It’s a rare thing for me to not fall asleep right away after going to bed. Normally it takes 30 seconds or so and I’m out cold. Lately, though, my ability to fall asleep has taken on the life of a yo-yo. Much of that has to do with both Alan and I being self-employed in a recession. (I can blame that, can’t I? Everyone else is.) But tonight I can’t sleep because I can’t shut off the thoughts of writing down my thoughts.
The past three days have been full of inspiration. Firstly, my oldest sister got married to a wonderful man in the Bountiful Temple. It was a monumental occasion for my family. All 6 of us Grimes kids were there, now all sealed to our spouses, with both of our parents and all of my mom’s living siblings there as well. Oh, the power in that sealing room! I wish there were words to describe it. The whole wedding day was full of wonderment.
The rest of the inspiration has come from small and simple things since then, leaving me grateful for the wisdom of others and the power of the Spirit. That leads me to the new year and setting of goals.
One of my goals for this year is to be more sure of myself. A man was visiting in our ward yesterday and his comments, in relation to Moses learning he was truly a son of God, really struck me. He is a Hawaiian and works at the Polynesian Cultural Center doing Hawaiian massage.
He said that one day a sister missionary came up to him and asked him, “How are you always so cheerful and happy? I keep all the rules and do all that I think is right and yet I don’t feel the happiness that I expect from that.”
He asked her, “Do you believe that you are a daughter of God and that He loves you?”
“Yes,” she said.
He said, “Do you believe that God loves you no matter how many rules you keep?” She hesitated to say yes, but did. He told her to think about that for a while.
She came back a week or so later and he asked her how she was doing. She said, “I can’t stop smiling.”
I have known for a long time that my fears hold me back, but I’ve discovered in the past year or so that my biggest fear is making mistakes. I don’t know why I have this frailty except that I need to work on overcoming it. I make a lot of mistakes, but I’ve been learning over the years that everyone does. I’ve just got to not be so hard on myself when I do. Alan has been such a strength to me in this. He truly lives up to his responsibility as a husband in helping me learn to be my best self. He encourages me to pursue my dreams and not be so hard on myself.
In light of all that I have heard and felt over the past few days, it leads me to wonder… What rules should I start breaking? Is that what it means? Well, mostly my intent is to readjust my priorities a little, let go of the some things that shouldn’t be as significant as I make them and not take stock of my failures the way I have been. The new year seems appropriate to breathe new life into my life with a challenge.
One way that I hope to accomplish my resolution I’m taking from Mindy Gledhill’s blog (my favorite LDS singer and a favorite blog)–which she is also borrowing–called the “Five Successes”. Each day I will write down five successes I’ve had during the day. I doubt I will write my 5 on this blog every day, but every day I will write them somewhere.
So here goes it…
5 Successes/Day 1:
1. Got the garbage can to the curb in the nick of time.
2. Had a great time deep cleaning post-move-in, post-open-house, sister and new brother-in-law’s house while they’re on their honeymoon. It’s all I have to offer as a wedding gift right now.
3. Didn’t say, “I’m tired” once today and didn’t feel it either. (Thank the Heavens for the switch to 9:00 church and Sunday nap yesterday after a busy week/weekend.)
4. Enjoyed helping Samantha with her all-evening homework.
5. Didn’t talk myself out of blogging this time.
Happy New Year!
P.S. If I have any readers, please share your own successes in the comments.