Return to Self: End of a Chapter

Return to Self

“The reason we’re terrified of making choices, even little ones, is that we’re convinced we’ll make a wrong one. Again.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach


The above quote is from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s chapter on titled “Designing Women” in Something More… It is truly a great chapter. Here are a few more quotes from the chapter.

“…by not choosing, we allow others to decide for us…”

“…if you didn’t make the choice, you can’t blame someone else if you’re unhappy.”

“I’ll bet that your life, like mine, is a direct result of choices you never even considered.”

“Choice is destiny’s soul mate.”

Today, as I completed my last day at Solase Massage and Oxygen Bar and prepare to start over in a new place, I have been reflecting on my career and family life.

One of the reasons I enjoy being an LMT is because of my determination to prove the negative wrong. It started with me. I doubted myself. I doubted my hands and my feet. I doubted my ability to stick to something that I wasn’t sure would work out after the schooling and the cost. I doubted because of the controversy that is “alternative health”. I have continued to let doubt creep in as we have endeavored to build a business over the past year.

While I have misused determination to puff myself up, those times taught me a lesson in humility when I found my foot in my mouth. Determination’s use for the good of helping others, however, has been even more humbling.

“People. People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.” It’s one of my favorite songs ever. I’ll sing it with Barbra at the top of my lungs… when I’m in my car by myself.

I don’t know how to talk about being a Massage Therapist without exuding passion. I know I can’t “cure” anything. I know massage therapy is not the answer to everything. But I love what it can do and has done. I especially love seeing people experience goodness, relief, and trust.

Like any job, there are unpleasantries in my chosen career. But–for me, at least–those are never the clients. I refuse to let it be. If I ever sound like it is, someone smack me. Heavenly Father has given me a gift of being able to help people feel good about themselves. If I misuse that gift by being “grossed out” by someone’s skin or their body type or size or the amount of back hair or any other phobia that people have expressed, then that’s defeating the purpose and I shouldn’t be a therapist.

I know Alan feels the same as I do which is why it is sad to me that the nature of the business leans toward requesting a female therapist first. But at the same time, I know it’s a thing people have to have time to get over. No one can force a belief out of someone.

Which leads me to my favorite quote…

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” Marie Curie

Many of us fear the unknown more than anything else in this world. I do. Part of that is because it’s only after the trial of our faith that we understand.

10 years ago I never would have considered being a massage therapist because I only heard the negative.

3 years ago, when I began to look into massage school, I was afraid of making a wrong choice and then not sticking to it.

8 months ago I was afraid to quit my job and leave my comfort zone of office work.

6 months ago I was afraid to commit to more than one day of clients in Huntington because I didn’t know how I could squeeze it into my job at Solase.

5 months ago I worried about being homeless.

1 month ago I didn’t even consider Price as a new career location.

5 days ago, it was “Facebook official” (my sis-in-law’s phrase) that we are moving to Price area.

At the other end of all of these I’ve learned that my ideal timing and plan is never as good as how life actually turns out:

I have a career that I enjoy more than I ever thought possible. It wasn’t how I thought it would happen, but I have a child. And I have a husband who is better for me than any ideas I imagined, including being a better “house husband” than I’ve ever been as a house wife.

I don’t know what this new chapter will bring and it’s a little scary, but we feel it’s a right choice. Whether that feeling leads to a successful career or another reason, we will find understanding at the end. The source of this gift of mercy is my Father in Heaven and my Savior and I thank them.

Your comments are the butter to my bread.

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